Paralyzed
by CPDSVU
Summary: What happens when Jay decides to go talk to Hailey instead of Will after the events that took place at BRT. What would he say – and what would she think? Would their tragic almost-losses be the catalysts for them to finally admit their feelings? Another crossover Upstead one-shot for you (based on 7x04).


**A/N:**** And I'm back with a one-shot from this year's crossover. Takes place after "Infection, Part III." Hopefully it's not too rushed...I didn't wanna write tension b/t them since there wasn't any in the actual crossover. I didn't wanna have it be too OOC. Anyway, lemme know what you think & here's hoping for more Upstead moments in s7! Happy reading!**

* * *

Jay Halstead woke up in a cold sweat. He hadn't done that since his PTSD episodes worsened, but that was a couple years ago now. No, this time it wasn't a made up psychological dream, but rather a nightmare that had almost come true for both him, and his partner, Hailey Upton.

_That damn infection. And that fucking prick David Seldon who almost cost the both of them their lives. _Jay had never hated someone so much before. Perhaps that was the reason he felt like his skin was on fire, despite the dampened environment around him. His blood was still boiling, and even the satisfactory image of Seldon being dead didn't calm him this time. He knew there was one thing that would, but as his eyes found the time on the alarm clock by his bed, he knew he'd be greeted with either an exasperated tone, or her signature eye roll if he dared to go and actually _see_ her at….3:45AM.

And yet, his feet found the floor, pattering around as he looked for a shirt to toss on. He slid on his tennis shoes as he tugged down an academy shirt from his closet. He grabbed his phone from his nightstand, settling on a text message first.

_Are you up?_

The three bubbles signaling a reply flashed on his screen.

_I am now._

He couldn't help but smile as he imagined her sarcastic voice saying those words.

_Can I stop by?_

_We all know you're perfectly capable of driving over here, Jay…._

He bit his tongue. She was probably pissed that he woke her up at this ungodly hour. It had been a while since they'd even had a wake-up call at this time for work. He pushed the phone call button, dialing her number so he could explain himself.

"Hi, Jay…." She sighed, her voice sounding sleepy.

"Hi Hailey," he said sheepishly. "Sorry, I just….I just wanted to explain."

"You have my attention." She said, an alertness back in her tone.

"I just, I need to see you. Just to make sure you're still okay."

"I can assure you I am alive and well, Jay. But I know you, and I know that's not enough. So, please come over. I wouldn't want it any other way…..although, if you don't bring me coffee, I'm **not** letting you in." Her snark was back, that was one thing he knew for sure. He wouldn't have _that_ any other way either.

"Fair enough. I'll drop by in 15."

"Alright, see you then."

He hung up the phone, feeling the knot in his stomach loosen a bit. At least he heard her voice. That was enough for now. But he'd be lying if he said he couldn't wait to see the real thing.

* * *

Hailey Upton paced around her apartment, running her hands over her face and threading them through her hair. _God dammit, Jay_.

She had thrown on some sweats and a tee shirt – no way she was greeting him in her Blink-182 oversized concert tee from 2002 – before she finally got her feet to stop moving.

She settled down onto her couch, trying to mull over what in the world could make _him_ want to see _her_, instead of the other way around. She really couldn't explain why she hadn't talked to him about the day's events yet. But, she reasoned, with everything that happened with Amanda at Med, plus Jay's desire to be with his older brother, Will, they just didn't have the time to do "their thing."

_Whatever you say, Hailey_….she chastised herself. She knew she was just making up an excuse. But she also knew that she didn't necessarily want to open up everything of the last 48 hours. At least, she didn't exactly feel ready to. It was _a lot_, more than she'd dealt with in a long while.

Because it wasn't just her own life that was almost lost. It was his too. And she cared more about him than she did her own self sometimes. Which scared her to very core. And she didn't want all that fear to resurface when she saw him. She knew he was alright. She had heard his voice on the phone. That should've been enough, and in her mind, it was. But her heart ached for more, and it usually won out in the end, hence her assured response for Jay's surprise drop-in.

She sighed, leaning her head back against her couch. Her mind replayed the last event that stopped her heart earlier today:

_She was standing outside of BRT's meeting room, ready to move in with the rest of her team when she felt her phone vibrate. Her first thought was to answer it, but she stopped herself, only touching the talk button so she could hear. _

_Of course, he would've have dialed her first. She desperately wanted to smile at that for a weird reason, but now was _so_ not the time. She heard his voice, calming talking to Seldon._

_She was torn, listening to Jay try to talk Seldon into letting him into that room, while Voight instructed her to get to the roof. Joe Cruz met her there, and lifted up Jay's sniper rifle to her, which she had another oddly-timed thought. _He never let anyone use that thing. But apparently he was gonna have to get over it, because she needed it to save his ass.

_She quickly whipped her hair into a ponytail as she heard more chatter._

"_Let me do it, let me do it," Jay had told Seldon._

"_Okay, back up, back up," David instructed._

_Hailey couldn't see from her vantage point exactly where the two men were standing, but she saw their silhouettes on the edges of the shattered glass. She could make out two raised hands, which she knew were Jay's._

_She crawled onto the gravel, moving the gun into position._

"_Pick it up!" She heard Seldon yell to Jay._

"_Okay, okay, I'm picking it up," he calmly responded._

_She radioed back to her Sergeant. "Sarge, I don't have a shot." She too tried to remain calm, to keep her voice under control._

"_Now you are going to cut yourself." Hailey wasn't sure she heard him right._

"_I said, you are going to cut yourself!" Seldon's voice echoed in her ears this time, as she was sure it did in Voight's, and Jay's. _Oh god, Jay.

"_Halstead just cut himself. Sarge, this is flipping. I _do not_ have a shot."_

_What could she do now? She prayed for a split-second that Voight would have an idea up his sleeve._

"_Hailey, I need you to get set for a high diversion shot at the ceiling. No joy, I repeat, no joy. On my order."_

_She said a silent thank you, and radioed back to Voight. "Copy."_

_She tried to ignore her blood running cold at Seldon's next instructions. "You're going to take this…and spray it on the cut. Go ahead, pick it up, and spray it!"_

"_Okay, okay, okay…" she could hear the slight change in Jay's tone. Most people wouldn't have thought twice about it, but not her. She knew him. She knew what he would do. He would sacrifice himself if it meant saving civilian lives. But she also knew herself, and she wouldn't let him die, not like this. Not ever._

_She could hear the desperation in Seldon's voice. "Do it…"_

_She saw Jay hold the spray bottle closer and closer to his arm, moving it ever so slowly to buy himself some time._

"_Go now." Voight's command sent her into action. The shot was fired into the ceiling, sending shattered tiles down onto the floor. It created the perfect distraction for Voight to storm in, firing the fatal shots into Seldon._

_She swore she saw Jay drop the bottle, but she wasn't 100% sure how he was. That is, until, she saw his arm reach for the window. It wasn't anything major, barely even a signal. But for her, it meant everything. Because it meant that he was in fact, okay. And she had helped him stay that way. That was enough for her, in that moment._

* * *

She was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of her doorbell ringing.

He never rang the doorbell. She hopped up from her spot on the couch to get the door. On the other side, she saw Jay standing there with coffee for her.

"Sorry," he quietly said. "Didn't know if you'd fallen asleep or not, so I rang."

"You're good," she replied, motioning for him to come in.

"Is Vanessa in?" He asked her as he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Nope, she had to do her requalification's late tonight, and she texted me that she, Kevin, Adam, and Kim were all going to Molly's to blow off steam. Course that was a couple hours ago...so, who knows!" She said, laughing lightly.

"Yeah," he said, only half there.

"Jay," she said, waving her hand in front of his face. "Come back." She whispered, something she hadn't said to him in a couple years since that night at Molly's when they teased Antonio about singing Sinatra. Oh, to be that carefree again.

But that was then, and this was now. And now they had to be serious — they'd be through a lot together since then. Especially within the last 24 hours, for crying out loud.

She had watched a 14-year-old quarantine victim survive a miraculous surgery; as well as saved her partner within seconds of his life flashing before her eyes.

He had helplessly watched her be quarantined herself; as well as his poor brother, be attacked by Seldon for no reason other than he caught him red-handed.

They both had their fair share of trauma today, which she assumed is what Jay wanted to talk about.

"Sorry," he said, taking his own coffee cup and going to sit on her couch. "I guess I zoned out for a second."

"It's alright, I just did myself for a bit there," she admitted, taking a seat next to him.

"Jay? What's wrong? I mean, what made you need me?" She felt her cheeks heat up at the implication of her words. So not what she meant. "I mean, what made you come over tonight?" She backtracked, hoping he didn't catch her slip-up.

"I needed to make sure you were okay. My mind went back to the chaos that was Med's quarantine wing; and I imagined you were infected, taken away from me again."

"Jay," she felt her heart break. "I was never leaving you. I'm okay. I was okay at Med too. If anyone almost lost themselves to that infection, it was _you_ mister," she admonished.

"Hailey, I know it must have been insane for you up there. But you saved me, you know that right? I mean, sure, Voight fired the fatal shot, but you — you created that window of opportunity for him. I'm glad I made the right move in dialing you in first before I walked into that room with Seldon. I knew you'd have my back."

"Always, Jay. **Always**. You know that. I'd follow you blind, remember? You go where I go?" She asked, hoping he'd remember the words he said a couple months ago.

"Of course. I just, god Hailey, when I saw you in that plastic containment, I didn't know what to say, do, or think. There were so many things swirling in my mind, but none of the words seemed right at the time."

She smiled at him, feeling herself get emotional over all the things she still wanted to say to him too. Things like, "I need you" and "I want you, as more than what we have been."

"Jay, just say what you wanna say," she told him, just like she did a month ago when everything went down with Brennan.

"I, I'm sorry Hailey. I'm so sorry I put you in harm's way. If I hadn't asked you to check on Song, you wouldn't have been exposed."

"And then what, Jay? Huh? Then she'd have collapsed on you? What would that have done?"

"I'd rather it have been me than you, Hailey. I'd always rather it be me than you."

"Jay," she said, taking his hand. "It almost was you, today with Seldon. And I'd be damned if I'd have let that happen to you. So no, I'd rather it have been me, than you. And I'd make that bet every time. Every time."

He placed his hand over hers. "I know. I know. Guess that's why we're partners huh? Cause we're both so stubborn."

She rolled her eyes, which made him grin. _Yeah, he could live with that._

* * *

"But hey, you know I'm okay right? Nothing happened to me then, and nothing's happening to me now. Besides, I know you've got me. Just like I've got you. I want you.. I want you to know that, Jay."

He stared back at her intently, his green eyes boring into her blue ones.

"And I want you to know how much I trust you Hails. I know you have my back. Always. I'd never let anything happen to you... at least that's what I want to try and make sure of. That's probably why I'm beating myself up so much now," he paused, pushing the tears back.

"I couldn't have lived with myself if you weren't okay." He whispered, locking eyes with her once again.

"Jay," her voice was strained as well, and when he saw her eyes, they were clouded over with tears too. "I'm here. I'm right here. And when that shot went off, and you looked at me from that window...I felt the hugest sigh of relief. But my heart..." she paused, biting her lip.

What the hell. She may as well lay it all out there.

"My heart still broke for you. Because not only did I almost lose my partner today, I...I would have lost my best friend. My confidant, my rock, my everything. Jay, I need you in my life, and I want you in more ways than just one. And I know you may not feel the same, but I don't care, because I just needed you to know that I—"

His lips met hers in an instant, like a lightning strike, it ignited a spark between them that they could extinguish.

"I love you too, Hailey. I couldn't lose you either. I don't know what I would've done." He said sweetly, his forehead pressing against hers.

She let a tear fall from her eyes this time, only because it was from happiness. Happiness that she finally told him how she felt, happiness that he felt the same.

"I love you Jay. So much it scares me, but I've also never been so ready to say it before."

She smiled up at him, and he beamed back at her too. She leaned in, kissing him again, deepening it as the seconds ticked by.

Their bodies fit perfectly together as they settled back on her couch. Jay was the one who broke the makeout, his eyes looking at her with a genuineness she hadn't seen before. But she knew what he was asking. If this next step was okay.

She simply pulled him back down to her, nodding her head yes. He kissed her again, and they continued to be in sync with each other for the rest of the night as clothes came off and love was made.

Who knew it would've taken a moment of terror to make them finally wake up, and fight for what they wanted? They weren't paralyzed by their feelings anymore. And as they grew closer than ever that night, they knew one thing was for sure: they weren't holding back another moment.


End file.
